Oh, so it ISN'T my TOES that are freakish...

I have a hard time keeping up with all of the new words that seem to pop up in daily use nowadays. Ordinarily I can figure out the meaning of new words by the way in which they’re used. I heard a new word recently and I thought that I knew what it meant. It was used in reference to me by someone who obviously doesn’t appreciate my humor so I just figured it was something bad. And since it was used by someone who only knows me online, I knew it had to be because of something that I said or did on this blog.

A while back I wrote a post about my odd feet. I didn’t know that they were odd until people started pointing that fact out to me. I have very long fingers, legs and toes and my second toe is so long it’s actually longer than my great toe. I posted this picture of my malformed foot to go along with the post regarding people who suffer the same ailment:

My freak toe doesn’t bother me, and as far as I know, I’ve never suffered any discrimination because of it. But, I know how people frozen with 8th grade emotions think and most of them would seize the opportunity to make fun of me and my toe. That’s OK, I’m not stuck in 8th grade so I couldn’t care less what some nit wit says about me or my abhorrently long second toes.

Having met more than my share of feeble bullies, I can sort of see the effete attacks before they come. So, after publishing that picture of my malformed toe, I wasn’t surprised to hear that there was a name for that deformity and some childish man-wannabes were using the derogatory term in reference to me. When I became aware of the sad little attempts to annoy me with the toe jokes, I brushed them off and never really thought about it again.

Then, this morning my daughter said that one of her toes was hurting her. That made me think of my toes and the freaks who made fun of them. My daughter seems to be rather hip about things so I decided to get her opinion and see if my toes qualified for the nasty little moniker given to them by some computer troll.

As my daughter walked into the kitchen where I was sitting at the table, I took the sock off of my right foot, stuck my foot up in the air so that it was pointing at my kid and asked her, “Do I have a camel-toe?”

Well, she knew what it meant. First she looked at my face and then she asked, “Are you kidding?” Of course, I was NOT kidding and she could see that. It caused her to laugh for a very long time. She laughed so hard that she couldn’t tell me why it was funny. Eventually she did calm down enough to say, “Look it up on the computer…search images so you can see one.”

I did. Apparently camel-toes have absolutely nothing to do with feet, or toes for that matter. Even after she stopped laughing, my daughter couldn’t quite explain what an actual camel-toe was, but she was able to say that I did have one in this picture of my backside:

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, it seems as though the camel reference has something to do with two humps.

You know, if I had met someone with a really long second toe, I very well might have called them “Camel-toe”. Knowing me, I would have said it right to their face and with my luck, they would have known exactly what a camel-toe was.

I’m glad that the issue came up with my grown daughter, I could have asked ANYONE had the thought had popped into my head at a different time. Even so, it was slightly embarrassing. I’ve asked a few stupid questions in my life…here are some of the more asinine queries that I’ve made:

1. I took a letter to the Bensenville post office so I could send it to my cousin who lived about 10 miles away. I asked the man if they could send it air mail. He responded, “You could if there were any planes flying from Bensenville to Roselle.”

2. After a night of making love I asked the father of my kids what the fishy smell was. He laughed so hard he had an anxiety attack.

3. I asked my father the name of the song that goes, “Bingo, bango, bongo” over and over again. He didn’t even laugh, he just shook his head and walked away.

4. I walked into Auto Zone and asked for the “small funnel”. I needed one that would help me get the oil in the little hole. Instead, the guy showed me the BIG hole that said OIL.

5. I walked around the Dollar Store looking for someone to tell me how much the sponge in my hand was. Luckily I realized where I was before I actually asked for the price check.

6. My ex had a woman calling our house, I found someone else’s make-up in our car, he stopped calling me from work and he treated me like shit. Then I asked, “Is there somebody else?” That may be the single dumbest question that I, or any other woman, has ever asked a man.

I tried to come up with 10 stupid things that I’ve asked people but I only came up with 6. Do NOT let that lead you to believe that those are the ONLY dumb questions I’ve ever asked. They’re the only 6 that I can come up with right now. I may remember more and if I do, I’ll be back to let you know about them.

For now, I have to take my dog for a walk. He LOVES Los Angeles but they do have a law that ALL dogs (except breeding dogs) have to be de-sexed. That poor dog is a virgin and now he has to lose his testicles without ever having a chance to use them. How sad.

In which "chaotic evil" means it's fun to screw with stupid people's minds! - A review of "Paranormal Activities"

You know what I miss about seeing a movie in theatres? The previews. I, unlike many people, like seeing snippets of movies I’ll never pay money to see. It also helps me make up my own story for when the movie I actually came to see sucks. So when I got bored with “Paranormal Activity,” (about ten minutes in) I finally came up with the plot that it was the evil crazy ninja person come back from the dead to suck the blood of the living. And everything is blue. Trust me, my made-up summary makes more sense than the real thing.

But you want a real summary? Fine. A couple of obnoxious people live in an overly-nice house and film themselves sleeping because the girlfriend is paranoid. Because, this is a first-person movie, everyone dies. Trust me, I didn’t spoil a thing as anyone with a brain could see this coming. That also explains why the people in the theatre with me found it scary. Go go America.

Oh, yes. It’s a first-person movie. First-person movies, from what I’ve heard, are notoriously bad. This has brought me to the conclusion that the people who made this particular movie made a list of things that were bad about other first-person movies. Only, they used the wrong list. Characters need deepening? We’ll make one a complete ass! Cameraman is never seen? We’ll have two camerapeople, both of whom are ugly, as well as an obscene number of sleeping scenes! The monster is never seen? Well, we’ll just make ours !  Take that, sucky movies! Of course, this also leads to the fact that everyone is utterly dislikable, and rather than not knowing who to root for, I know exactly who to root for – the crazy ninja guy in the ceiling vent.

I think what left me sad about the movie was not that it was particularly bad, but rather that I went in expecting one thing and ended up with another. I think what I like most about first-person movies is that they don’t show the scary thing, but rather the reaction to the scary thing. This focused instead on the scary thing, and I think that’s what bothered me most. Horror is a good genre – when it’s psychological. Beyond that, I don’t want to see slasher, guts, or monster of the week.

In short, you would find more entertainment watching a dog or a frog or even a random inanimate object than you would by watching this movie. So go out, roll in the grass, make a friend. Live a little instead of letting an hour and a half die watching this.

Class Reunion? Fuck No!

This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers.

The subject of class reunions came up with a friend of mine.  He was looking forward to his, much like a used car dealer looks forward to going to the auto auction to buy up a bunch of clunkers.  I can understand his game, these formerly hot chicks are the ones who were too stuck up to date guys their own age when they were in high school.  Now these chicks are old hags with stretch marks, fat rolls and kids from different men.

I guess it would be a bit of revenge to bang these former hotties, but that’s a game I’ll have to sit out on.  Not because I’m too good, but to be honest I now have enough money to be able to afford these women’s 18yr old daughters.

The last thing I want is a woman my own age!  If that’s what I liked, I’d stay married!

Old hags like these are for broke guys!

As men get older we have more of what women want, as women get older they have LESS of what men want.

You’re now free to bang younger, hotter bitches.

Brown Sugar Bullshit!

This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers.

Tonight I came across a bowl full of crap in the form of a blog from “Brown Sugar”, its a blog that gives so-called advice to black women and in this rant she tries to explain why women with advanced degrees can’t find any men in their income bracket.   Total shit sandwich.

So often I hear from black women who have advanced or professional degrees that dating is hard out here for an educated black girl.

It seems there are many men who don’t find a super accomplished woman appealing. Or to be blunt about it, they’re just scared of a woman who may be smarter, more accomplished and (gasp) make more money they do.

So often however, when this topic comes up the men and their female apologists are quick to holler at the top of their lungs: THAT”S NOT THE CASE!!!!!!!  No they say, it’s the women who are the problem. These over educated sistas beleive their degrees should qualify them for wife status. They are leading with their degrees instead of being nice and flirty and smiling – ’cause of course we know that a woman needs to smile to get a man to say hello to her.

Actually women ARE the fucking problem.  Most of them are HUGE, plus-sized problems.

The truth is there are PLENTY of men who are intimidated by an intelligent, accomplished, successful woman. Many men want to feel like the King in their relationship an that can be difficult when their Quenn is better educated and making more dough than the King. There’s a reason why you see many successful, well off men with less accomplished women. The hot shot man cheating with his secretary, the nanny or his Argentinian mistress on his equally yoked wife is such a common occurrence we’re not even surprised by it anymore.

“Less accomplished” or hot?  I believe the word this cunt was looking for was hot.  That’s what successful men want and that’s the kind of women success brings, why would we settle for something less?

So yes, I think may black women are finding themselves at a disadvantage in the dating world when the step out in all of their educated, successful career glory. However I would ask if the guy who has a problem with ambitious, accomplished women is the guy you really want? I mean think about it: this guy feels so threatened by a woman who has her own that he would avoid them at all costs., why are you upset that he’s not talking to you? Is this the type of guy you really want?

Ambitious? About what?  Using up all their sick time by the end of January?

Just as there are plenty of men who find the idea of dating a woman as accomplished than they are repugnant there are plenty who see that as a requirement in any woman they date. The intelligent ambitious gal is the one they want. They want a woman who can match their own fire and see that as an asset not a liability. These are they type of me you want to date, this is where you want to focus your energy. And if you feel you’re always meeting the guys who have problems with your level of education and success, you need to find other places to hang out.

Ok enough of this overweight cunt, the bottom line is that women with advanced degrees are usually just plain fucking ugly.  Let’s be honest, I didn’t see a lot of hot chicks in my MBA classes, usually average or way, way below fucking average.  Ugly women have more time to study because they aren’t being bothered by guys to go out on dates.  They have the extra time to hit the books!

If they think that we want to have sex with their overbearing, overweight asses, then to borrow a line from Judas Priest “You’ve got another thing comming”

You are now free to move about the fucking cabin!

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Weekends are for.....

Weekends (at least during this time of year) are for one thing other than mad, wild, uninhibited sex. FOOTBALL!! So with that being said, I have made a bigger list than usual.

Saturday is for OU and Sunday is for New York Giants!!

I hope this list will hold you through until Monday! I have linked some pictures to the respective sites. Be sure you click! Have a great weekend!

Freezing

Nice View

Circle of Trust

Stripes

Choices

B&W Mounds

Underneath

From Above

R.T. anyone?

Smooth

Janine Lindemulder - I ADORE YOU!!! Click to go to her site

Wifey - Click to see more at her site

Air Force Amy - I ain't scared! Bring it! PLEASE!

Keep the comments coming and lust burning!